Elder Scrolls Journal: Entry Three

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Welcome back to another entry of my adventure through Tamriel as a Bard stuck in the body of a knight, apparently.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Sword 001

Also stuck in the body of someone with a gamepad that was malfunctioning trying to play Oblivion. I could open menus, swing the sword, look right or left, but I couldn’t move with my joystick. I’m not sure what changed with my settings since the last time I played but, after standing there like one of those car lot inflatable men dancing around unable to move, I switched to mouse and keyboard (like an animal).

Elder Scrolls Video Game We Need Get The Emperor Out 002

This meant I had to try to guard the emperor using a control setup I’m not used to. I’ve played Oblivion and Skyrim before, but only on consoles. You’ll have to do most of the protecting, Blades, since I’ll be running face-first into a corner.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Prisoner Works With Assassins 003

Fortunately, I was able to catch up to them, only to be threatened by this Blades’ weirdly katana-looking Samurai sword. I don’t care if you have years of experience protecting an emperor; I have a shield I found off of a dead guy. We are not the same.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Emperor Uriel Septim 004

Fortunately, Patrick Stewart entrusted me to help guide him to his death.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Emperor Uriel Septim Hour Of Death 005

Seriously, his whole speech was about how he was on his way to his funeral.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Baurus Gard 006

What’s weird, is the Blades that were defending him knew nothing about this. I’m not sure how they didn’t. They’re basically in an echo chamber, and the Emperor just told me out loud that he had planned to die anyway. Why even bring these guys along?

You’re risking their life so you can die? Go out a selfish old man.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Go As Warrior 007

Despite his insistence on dying, he wanted me to choose the stars that would represent me. I thought Paladin was a thing in the Elder Scrolls series but, apparently, I was wrong. Either that, or it has a different name. Either way, I’m using a sword and a shield.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Dungeons 008

After guiding the Emperor through the rest of the ruins (not sure why he was defending himself, didn’t you JUST tell me you were there to die?), we finally came across his hour of fate.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Uriel Septim Fight Prince 009
Elder Scrolls Video Game Uriel Septim Take Amulet 010

With his last breaths, he told me a bunch of crap I don’t even know. It’s like a NASA employee going to Mcdonalds and trying to explain rocket science to the cashier. I just nodded along until he was struck down.

Elder Scrolls Video Game Baurus Amulet Of Kings 011

Despite his body being fresh (seriously, Baurus didn’t even attempt resuscitation), Baurus decided to bore me to death by talking about jewelry. Unfortunately, he also had me make a decision too:

Elder Scrolls Video Game Selecting Class Knight 012
Elder Scrolls Video Game Selecting Class Bard 013

There wasn’t a “Paladin” class, I know I could have created a custom one, but that’s too much work for me to do at 7 am. I could have done Bard, since it uses Blade and Block, but I also like walking around with knight armor. In hindsight, I could have made a custom class between a Knight and a Bard. A Bardknight? Is that a thing? King Arthur: The Musical?

Elder Scrolls Video Game Selecting Your Character Leaving Sewers 014

After getting through the sewers and regretting my decision to roll a Knight, the universe gave me another chance to change. I did not. Again, decisions cannot be made with the one brain cell I have after pulling an all-nighter.

I’ll go through my days in Oblivion with much regret, much like I do in real life.


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