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Welcome back to another entry of my adventure through Tamriel as a Bard stuck in the body of a knight, apparently.
Also stuck in the body of someone with a gamepad that was malfunctioning trying to play Oblivion. I could open menus, swing the sword, look right or left, but I couldn’t move with my joystick. I’m not sure what changed with my settings since the last time I played but, after standing there like one of those car lot inflatable men dancing around unable to move, I switched to mouse and keyboard (like an animal).
This meant I had to try to guard the emperor using a control setup I’m not used to. I’ve played Oblivion and Skyrim before, but only on consoles. You’ll have to do most of the protecting, Blades, since I’ll be running face-first into a corner.
Fortunately, I was able to catch up to them, only to be threatened by this Blades’ weirdly katana-looking Samurai sword. I don’t care if you have years of experience protecting an emperor; I have a shield I found off of a dead guy. We are not the same.
Fortunately, Patrick Stewart entrusted me to help guide him to his death.
Seriously, his whole speech was about how he was on his way to his funeral.
What’s weird, is the Blades that were defending him knew nothing about this. I’m not sure how they didn’t. They’re basically in an echo chamber, and the Emperor just told me out loud that he had planned to die anyway. Why even bring these guys along?
You’re risking their life so you can die? Go out a selfish old man.
Despite his insistence on dying, he wanted me to choose the stars that would represent me. I thought Paladin was a thing in the Elder Scrolls series but, apparently, I was wrong. Either that, or it has a different name. Either way, I’m using a sword and a shield.
After guiding the Emperor through the rest of the ruins (not sure why he was defending himself, didn’t you JUST tell me you were there to die?), we finally came across his hour of fate.
With his last breaths, he told me a bunch of crap I don’t even know. It’s like a NASA employee going to Mcdonalds and trying to explain rocket science to the cashier. I just nodded along until he was struck down.
Despite his body being fresh (seriously, Baurus didn’t even attempt resuscitation), Baurus decided to bore me to death by talking about jewelry. Unfortunately, he also had me make a decision too:
There wasn’t a “Paladin” class, I know I could have created a custom one, but that’s too much work for me to do at 7 am. I could have done Bard, since it uses Blade and Block, but I also like walking around with knight armor. In hindsight, I could have made a custom class between a Knight and a Bard. A Bardknight? Is that a thing? King Arthur: The Musical?
After getting through the sewers and regretting my decision to roll a Knight, the universe gave me another chance to change. I did not. Again, decisions cannot be made with the one brain cell I have after pulling an all-nighter.
I’ll go through my days in Oblivion with much regret, much like I do in real life.
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